When the trauma kicks back


Trauma rises, forming
a fearful Fear from inside,
it spreads throughout my heart
and shrouds nerve cells,
like the dark shade of confusing cloud,
ailing me with the raging silence
like the crushing strikes of thunder,
punching in the back of my mind.
Sweat threads in the palms of my hands, muscles squeezing, my hands fist hard,
I can’t open them nor can I move, stilled.
And then it roves over my head,
occupies all my body with silent nails
piercing deep into my muscles,
eyes seem to sprout out,
breath slows down,
tongue holds fast-tightened
I want to scream it out loud….

as loud as possible
but I can’t even make a move,
the whole body shuts,
fighting a heavy battle
that is hitting hard from inside,
I swallow them one-by-one
with tears holding back
in the skull of my frightened eyes
while watching the familiar death
stalking me – yet an other triumph
over the unending battle…
to be battled again…

By: Abdul Samad Haidari
(02/04/2019 – 10:08pm

About samad1986

Abdul Samad Haidari is a poet, writer, teacher and a former freelance journalist, currently residing in Indonesia as a stateless refugee. He is the author of The Red Ribbon He fled his home country at the age of seven and grew up wandering in Pakistan and Iran as a child refugee, and was separated from his family for the majority of his childhood. For two years, at the age of eight and nine, he was forced into child labour in the construction industry in Iran. In contrast, Pakistan offered refugees like him the opportunity to study and work. This education and work experience culminated in Abdul teaching computer studies and English language courses at the Intel Computer Center and Pak Oxford Professionals. After the collapse of the Taliban government, Abdul returned to Afghanistan thinking that the security situation had improved, and that he could take part in the reconstruction of his war-torn country. With this in mind, Abdul served as a freelance journalist and humanitarian aid-worker in areas of the country that remained dangerous to civilians because of the influence of terrorist groups. Abdul served with the Norwegian refugee council (NRC), ActionAid Afghanistan, Daily Outlook Afghanistan group of newspapers, and The Daily Afghanistan Express. As a freelance journalist, Abdul wrote articles and editorials about on-the-ground realities, which were then circulated widely. These had a particular focus on women and children’s rights, corruption, transparency and accountability in government, warlords and terrorist groups’ actions and the systematic persecution of minority groups in both Afghanistan and Pakistan.
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